dating

Human nature cannot be predicted. We all think that we know somebody. That means that we believe that we know how a friend or family member would react to a situation. We think that we know this at least about people we are very close to. Do we really? If that were true, relationship would not sour. Because our partner is surely a person we know a lot about. But suddenly we are confronted with a partner about whom our feelings change or vice versa. Why does this happen?

I am not sure whether people change at all. But surely the way they behave or act is so unexpected that we feel they have changed. In a relationship a couple may have been having the best time together. Both partners think that they are made for each other. There is a belief that their goals are same and that their thoughts are same. They are a perfect couple who are in deep romantic love and who seem to be unable to live without each other.

Can such a couple change? Yes, even a couple which shares everything perfectly changes in relationship when decisions about values have to be taken. If one of the partners has very strong values about something they will not surrender that under any circumstances. For example, you have a sense of what is right and what is wrong. I also have my sense of right and wrong. If I believe very strongly in my sense, I will never accept what you want me to do. If you think that lie is Ok if life can be carried on and if I believe that lie is unacceptable, can we ever share the same relationship? This test does not come immediately after the relationship, but after some months or years. We suddenly find that our values are in strong conflict with our partner and whatever effort we make is useless to change their point of view. At that point love turns bitter. As if suddenly some sour thing was added to a sweet.

What are the possible reasons of a beautiful loving relationship turning to that of hatred? Does anybody know the answer to this? I believe that many will say that the relationship was never strong to begin with? What if I say that I have seen a relationship that was as strong as a bank vault and then crumbled down like a mud house?

In the relationship I am talking about one partner started facing problems because of her own decisions. She was having major value differences with the male where the male wanted her to speak about truth to the whole world but the female wanted to play hide and seek. This was causing her lot of anguish. She never tried to address the root cause but started blaming the male for all her problems. As the male was unable to convince her about his viewpoint, which would have brought peace, all around after a period of turmoil but the female refused. She did not want to face any turmoil. This relationship lives in the heart of the man who thinks of the woman all the time, but the woman left him after cursing him of all the ills that were befalling her.

Relationships tumble down for different reasons. Sometimes one partner wants to give more emphasis to career than the other desires. Some times one partner feels that the other is taking advantage. Whatever the reason, the confidence in each other is lost. As soon as that happens partners begin blaming each other for everything. They even question the motive of their partner for doing something when they were in the phase of love. The past is dissected and poison is poured over loving memories. That is the end of love and only hate survives. Call this destiny or fate. No analysis helps in finding out the reasons of destruction. That becomes a bigger pain.

A relationship is made of two persons who want to stay in that. What if your partner wants to break-up? Will the relationship stay? Can you keep it going? This situation is not unique. Many of us face this kind of problem. We may be still love our partner and want to continue the relationship. But our partner may be making all efforts to break it up. What should you do if you are in such a situation?

The first step should be look back and think of words or actions of your partner, which must have given hint of what might be coming. At that time because of your love you might have ignored the hints. It is time to revisit those words and actions. If you can find a patter than you may be sure that your partner had been preparing for quite some time.

Does talking to your partner help? Does it help if you want to find out if they would like to continue? Does it help if you try to persuade them? Give this a try and find out their reaction. If the reaction is highly negative and accusing then better stop making efforts. Why I use the word accusing? Most of the people want to find a reason for their action. When they accuse you rightly or wrongly they are trying to justify the action. They want to get rid of the guilt of hurting you. They may accuse you so much that sometimes it ay all look unbelievable. But it happens. The more they accuse, the more they are satisfied that they were right in breaking up. Love is not always logical. Rather it is never logical.

When love turns into hate it is again not logical. Hatred as a emotion is as strong as love. Those who love most hate most. So be ready for the accusations and the heartbreak. If you want to keep a control over yourself then try not to go into the reasons. Just accept that the other person changed.

Have you come across couples where you can see a visible sign of disrespect between each other? Or find that one partner has low respect for the other? That is quite common, but why is that so? And how do the partners intend to continue in absence of mutual respect? Let us discuss.

Respect and how it affects our well-being?

Think of any situation when you felt disrespected. That happens many times in public places, work places and homes. How did you feel? You felt anger towards the person who disrespected you. You also felt that that person did not value your opinion or capability. You felt bad about the whole thing because your self-esteem was hurt. You felt like never giving your opinion to that person again.

When you feel respected you find that the other person is keenly listening to you. You find the body language of the other person positive and leaning towards you. You find that they ask questions or air their opinions believing that you will contribute positively to the dialogue. In such a situation you feel respected and involved. Your self-esteem gets boost and you respect the other person in turn.

Is respect always a two way street?

It is felt that respect is a two way street. If you give respect, you get it. Sometimes this law is broken. You may be trying to respect the opinion of the other part but the other party may be so disoriented due to anger, frustration or other reasons that they may simple brush aside all your opinions and argue with you with total disrespect. This frequently happens when some body is feeling very angry. If a couple gets into a situation when one of them is angry over the other, you will find the angry person using most derogatory terms. That breaks the respect between each other. Even if apologies are made after temper cools down the relationship does not get mended, because spoken words keep ringing in the mind of the injured person.

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